bathtime blues

October 6, 2010 at 12:37 pm | Posted in welcome to the monkey house | 1 Comment

T (5 years 4 months) and A (2 years 5 months) in the bath together.

A: I wash my face

Me: Get your hands behind the flannel, A. That’s it! Now wash your face. See how T does it. That’s lovely! Well done!

T: Now wash your neck , A.

A: I wash my neckie!

T: (laughs) Now wash your arms. Look A, wash your arms.

A: I wash my armies!

Me (laughing): That’s great A. Aren’t you clever. Can you do your bum please.

A: Bum bum bum. Willy willy willy (washing them).

Me: Come on A, out of the bath.

A: (climbs out happily. Stands looking at T playing in the bath while I dry him off.)

A: (looking at toy T has) That my one.

T: A, no, it’s MINE.

A: No MIIIIINNNE!

T: No, A, it’s MIIINNE! (starts to sob)

A: Aaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!!

T: NOOOO STOP SCREAMING, YOU’RE HURTING MY EEEEEARRRS! (tears pouring down face. Starts kicking water in bath so it splashes over edge)

Me: T, stop that. Get out of the bath now.

T: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Me: Get out of the bath, T…

T: NOOOOO MUMMMMEEEEEEE!

Me:  GET OUT OF THE SODDING BATH RIGHT NOW!

A:  (Jumps out of his skin) WAAAAAHHH!!!! MUMMEEEEE!!!

T: DON’T SHOUT AT ME!

Me: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! YOU’VE JUST SPENT THE LAST FIVE MINUTES SHOUTING AT ME! NOW GET OUT!!!

(Both boys stand there dripping and sobbing. I let the bath water out with a sigh.)

T: (after a minute) Mummy, I’m really really sorry…

Me: (still fuming) I should bloody well think so.

A: I need a blow my nosie (pulls off three feet of toilet roll)

Me: A! Stop!!!

T: That’s why I’m crying. I’m really really sorry.

Me: (through gritted teeth) Thank you for saying you’re sorry. Could you dry yourself please.

A: I wanna climbing! (grabs towel rail)

T: (mournfully) But Mummy I caaaan’t dry myself because I’m too coooold.

Me: (restraining myself) Come Here Then And Let Me Do It

T: Ow! You’re hurting!!

A: (falls off towel rail) OW REALLY HURT MYSELF!!

Me: (Yelling) Daddddddeeeeee!!!!