bathtime bluesOctober 6, 2010 at 12:37 pm | Posted in welcome to the monkey house | 1 Comment
T (5 years 4 months) and A (2 years 5 months) in the bath together.
A: I wash my face
Me: Get your hands behind the flannel, A. That’s it! Now wash your face. See how T does it. That’s lovely! Well done!
T: Now wash your neck , A.
A: I wash my neckie!
T: (laughs) Now wash your arms. Look A, wash your arms.
A: I wash my armies!
Me (laughing): That’s great A. Aren’t you clever. Can you do your bum please.
A: Bum bum bum. Willy willy willy (washing them).
Me: Come on A, out of the bath.
A: (climbs out happily. Stands looking at T playing in the bath while I dry him off.)
A: (looking at toy T has) That my one.
T: A, no, it’s MINE.
A: No MIIIIINNNE!
T: No, A, it’s MIIINNE! (starts to sob)
T: NOOOO STOP SCREAMING, YOU’RE HURTING MY EEEEEARRRS! (tears pouring down face. Starts kicking water in bath so it splashes over edge)
Me: T, stop that. Get out of the bath now.
Me: Get out of the bath, T…
T: NOOOOO MUMMMMEEEEEEE!
Me: GET OUT OF THE SODDING BATH RIGHT NOW!
A: (Jumps out of his skin) WAAAAAHHH!!!! MUMMEEEEE!!!
T: DON’T SHOUT AT ME!
Me: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! YOU’VE JUST SPENT THE LAST FIVE MINUTES SHOUTING AT ME! NOW GET OUT!!!
(Both boys stand there dripping and sobbing. I let the bath water out with a sigh.)
T: (after a minute) Mummy, I’m really really sorry…
Me: (still fuming) I should bloody well think so.
A: I need a blow my nosie (pulls off three feet of toilet roll)
Me: A! Stop!!!
T: That’s why I’m crying. I’m really really sorry.
Me: (through gritted teeth) Thank you for saying you’re sorry. Could you dry yourself please.
A: I wanna climbing! (grabs towel rail)
T: (mournfully) But Mummy I caaaan’t dry myself because I’m too coooold.
Me: (restraining myself) Come Here Then And Let Me Do It
T: Ow! You’re hurting!!
A: (falls off towel rail) OW REALLY HURT MYSELF!!
Me: (Yelling) Daddddddeeeeee!!!!