Champions Of Sports Personality Book Of The Annual Cycling Dinner Awards Year Show Evening

December 2, 2013 at 10:58 am | Posted in cycling | Leave a comment
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*.♥.*.☆.*.♥.*.☆.* Now updated with NOMINATIONS and RESULTS! *.♥.*.☆.*.♥.*.☆.*

I was tired of reading about everyone else going to glitzy sports dinners in posh dresses and sparkly heels, getting inadvisably drunk and behaving inappropriately. Having completely failed to blag any invitations this year, I decided to put on my own awards.

I’m proud to present the inaugural Champions Of Sports Personality Book Of The Annual Cycling Dinner Awards Year Show Evening. The award categories are below.

Nominations all received two (2) or more votes. 

Sports book we are most likely to sit with ostentatiously in cafés

You don’t have to read it. It doesn’t even have to be in a language you understand. But by perusing it, you’re signalling your in-depth knowledge of the sport, your discerning taste, your general inside-trackiness, your ineffable cool. Just make sure you’re holding it the right way up.

  • Tim Krabbé – The Rider
  • Matt Rendell – The Death Of Marco Pantani
  • WINNER: MATT RENDELL

Sports book we sleep with under our pillow and will not lend to anybody, not even you, sorry, but, you know

This may/ may not be dedicated to you personally and signed by the author in his/ her ACTUAL HANDWRITING. You may/ may not recall him/ her looking you directly in the eye and asking, gently, ‘Is that one L, or two?’

  • David Millar – Racing Through The Dark
  • Matt Rendell – The Death Of Marco Pantani
  • WINNER: DAVID MILLAR

Sportsperson whose no-holds-barred autobiography we would most like to ghostwrite

Someone out there must be seducing their ex-wife’s stepdaughters/ poisoning their rivals with strychnine-tipped spokes/ running a cyclocross series as a front for an international drugs operation. Someone. Who?

  • Andy Schleck
  • Jens Voigt
  • WINNER: JENS VOIGT

Sports commentator we are least likely to turn the sound down on

We all mute the commentary and do our own, don’t we. But when your telly-watching priorities are stuffing your face with Kettle Chips and trying to persuade your partner to massage your feet, whose dulcet tones and questionable insights are least likely to offend?

  • Magnus Backstedt
  • David Harmon
  • Declan Quigley
  • WINNER: DAVID HARMON

Sports magazine we are least likely to reach for when stuffing wet cycling shoes

Online newspapers are all very well, but they’re not very absorbent. Happily, most of us still have a few cycling magazines lying about the place. Your decision in this category may be based on magazine content, or the texture and malleability of the pages.

  • Cycling Plus
  • Cycling Weekly
  • Procycling
  • Rouleur
  • WINNER: ROULEUR

Sportsperson we’d most like to be stuck in a lift with

This all-star, flagship category is a joint venture with @inspireajen, as a replacement for the increasingly irrelevant SPOTY. What you do in the hypothetical lift is entirely up to you, of course.

  • Mark Cavendish
  • Bernhard Eisel
  • Jessica Ennis
  • Marcel Kittel
  • Richie Porte
  • Marianne Vos
  • WINNER: MARK CAVENDISH

The results (including a last-minute Editor’s Choice category, as I was upset none of my favourites had made the final cut) were announced via twitter in an all-star, glittering virtual awards dinner on Saturday, 7th December 2013. Everyone dressed up! The fizz flowed, the canapés were trodden into the carpet, and various unsavoury behaviour was ignored-on-purpose.  Read my Storified summary of the evening here

*.♥.*.☆.*.♥.*.☆.* Thanks to all who voted and ‘attended’ the dinner! *.♥.*.☆.*.♥.*.☆.* 

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