All the fly(by) guys…

April 23, 2014 at 8:15 pm | Posted in cycling | 2 Comments
Tags: biking, cycling, humour, romance, strava

I’m quite excited about Strava Flyby. Input your Strava ride, and see who else was creaking round in the same area. Moreover, my spies have managed to intercept top-secret emails between developers, which reveal some highly interesting new features.

Detailed research on people who ride frequently in your ‘hood will allow you to identify potential riding partners, particularly those whose pee stop: ride time ratio is in harmony with your own. New drop-down menus will mean you can filter riders by speed (choose whether to grovel, or feel smug), size (select a suitable companion to ride behind in that 20mph wind) and chattiness (for those still-sweating-Rioja Sunday morning rides).

A quick check before you set out, and you’ll be able to delay your ride to avoid that chap who drafts you up Cragg Vale without uttering a syllable, only to steam past you at the reservoir to claim the KoM. Moreover, if you’re feeling a little fragile, sorry, doing a recovery ride, you can tag silently onto the CTC as they trundle past; they probably won’t even notice you’re there.

Looking for love? Encountered a toothsome chap/ chapess on your ride, but too shy to say hi? Now, you’ll no longer have to content yourself with admiring their calves from afar; you can come home and stalk them, sorry, find out who they are in moments. Strava intel suggests that a notification facility is in the pipeline: as the object of your desire sets out, you’ll receive a text alert, allowing you to slip into your best Molteni jersey and run into him/ her ENTIRELY by chance in the chip queue at Hollingworth Lake.

Finally, if you suspect your partner might be playing away, you can simply put his/her Garmin on your bike instead of yours, and see who suddenly, coincidentally appears out of the fog.