Tags: autumn, fall, fantasy, humour, reality
Tags: barbershop, chorus, humour, ladies, music, singing, voice parts, women
* * Based shamelessly on this post from Classic FM. * *
* * Based shamelessly on this post from Classic FM. * *
Tags: advice, barbershop, German, humour, language, music, phrases, singing, skills, white rosettes, women
I’m off to Munich this weekend, with my lovely fabulous barbershop chorus, the White Rosettes. We’re guests at BinG!, the German barbershop convention, and we’ll be singing on stage three times over two days, then finding as many opportunities as possible to sing in stairwells, in corners of the bar and so on. I used to speak fairly good German, so I thought I’d put together a set of useful phrases that my fellow Rosettes could employ over the weekend. In true barbershop style, I’ve provided teach tracks. Mach’s gut!
At the hotel
Do you have room service? Double egg and chips, please.
Haben Sie Zimmerservice? Zweimal Spiegelei mit Pommes, bitte.
I’m having a disco nap and do not wish to be disturbed
Ich mache Schläfchen und möchte nicht gestört werden.
Please could I book an alarm for nine thirty. No, that’s correct. I am English. That’s early.
Ich möchte einen Alarmruf, bitte, um neun Uhr dreissig. Doch, das stimmt. Ich bin Engländerin. Das ist für mich ganz früh.
Making conversation in the audience
They haven’t got enough blusher on
Sie brauchen noch ein bisschen Rouge.
I liked the choreo but the sequins were distracting
Die Choreographie hat mir gefallen. Ich fand die Pailletten verwirrend.
Is that David Wright over there? I’ll be right back
Ist das der David Wright dort drüben? Ich bin gleich wieder da.
At the afterglow
My doctor has expressly forbidden me to drink beer
Mein Arzt hat mir ausdrücklich verboten, Bier zu trinken.
Three gins, please, and easy on the tonic
Dreimal Gin, bitte, und nicht zu viel Tonic.
Shall we sing a tag? Do you know ‘Clouds On Fire’?
Wollen wir einen Tag singen? Kennen Sie ‘Clouds On Fire’?
Are you going to bed already? It’s only four o’clock!
Gehen Sie schon ins Bett? Es ist aber nur vier Uhr!
And a good old-fashioned blooper reel. In case you thought this stuff was easy.
Tags: bizarre side projects, favourites, reading, voices
We were chatting idly, yesterday, about how we don’t know what anyone sounds like on twitter. Despite my protestations that everyone sounds like Benedict Cumberbatch in my head, and I’m quite happy with this, people started describing their accents to me. A couple of people (including @_BLIXA_) said they would audioboo themselves reading something.
And I thought, what a lovely idea. You record yourself reading a short text you love – a poem, a bit from a play, a chunk of a novel, a tech article from Cycling Weekly, whatever floats your boat – and I’ll put it on my new blog, and we all get to hear it. So not only do we know what you sound like, we get a little insight into something that’s special for you.
So here’s the newest of my bizarre side projects: text to speech. I’ve uploaded something, and so has @spandelles; I hope you’ll feel inspired to dig your favourite book out, and submit* something too.
* instructions on how to submit your recording are on the new blog
Tags: complaining about free stuff, hell, idiocy, internet, tech support, technology
How not to spend your morning:
1. Idly think ‘Oh, so much STUFF. I’m drowning in STUFF. How can I organise it all?’
2. Someone tweets about wonderful new online stuff-organisey thing (WNOSOT) that has changed their actual LIFE.
3. Google it. Wow! Looks cool.
4. Watch cheeky, peppy, ‘How it works! Look! So easy!’ video with jolly whistling on soundtrack.
5. Realise that, despite featuring woman on a bike and several dogs, cheeky, peppy, ‘How it works! Look! So easy!’ video doesn’t actually tell you how WNOSOT works at all.
6. Oh well! Sign up anyway.
7. Sign-up attempts send you straight back to ‘Sign up for WNOSOT right now! So easy!’ page.
8. Try different browser. Same problem.
9. Try different password. Aha!
10. Think crossly that they could TELL you they don’t like passwords with alphanumeric characters, even though the WHOLE of the rest of the internet requires these, even tweetadailypictureofanotter.com .
11. Rejoice! You have WNOSOT account. Wonder what to do now.
12. Download browser extension. Looks like it worked, but you have to restart to see.
13. Restart computer. Make cup of tea while it considers shutting down.
14. Computer boots up. It worked! Add some random stuff to your WNOSOT account. Hehee!
15. Think ‘Ah! But most of the time I need to add things from my phone.’ Peruse list of apps.
16. Find third-party app that looks like it might work with Windows phone.
17. Search for it on Marketplace. Doesn’t exist.
18. Try another three. Find one that exists.
19. Click ‘install’. Windows Live! login fail.
20. Log in from computer. Get five captchas wrong while Windows Live! makes ‘DUH!’ faces at you.
21. Finally get captcha right. Windows Live! promises confirmation code.
22. Another cup of tea while you wait.
23. Carrier pigeon delivers confirmation code! Reset password.
24. Log in on phone. App installs! Do happy dance!
25. Open app. Cryptic set of functions. No instructions. Hmm.
26. Open random webpage, hoping list of options has miraculously changed to include ‘Add this page to WNOSOT!’ Nope.
27. Check top of page. Little icon or something? Nope.
28. Try desktop version. Nope.
29. Search online for app instructions. Nope.
30. Email from WNOSOT. ‘We’re so excited you’ve signed up for WNOSOT! It’s so easy!’ Realise with sinking heart that the only way you can use WNOSOT is to cut and paste URLs and email them to your account.
31. Find yourself whistling jolly tune from cheeky, peppy, ‘How it works! Look! So easy!’ video.
32. Locate large pair of wire cutters and sever internet connection. Go and read book.
Tags: advice, beauty, easy targets, humour, magazines, sitting ducks, skincare, women
According to a free health ‘n’ beauty mag I picked up in a well-known chemist’s, my winter skincare routine depends on what kind of a chick I am. The choices on offer are:
- Office Girl
- Night Owl
- Fresh Air Fanatic
- Busy Mum*
I spent some time wondering whether my post-midnight twitter addiction qualifies me as a Night Owl, or whether running down the hill to school at the last minute having lingered over Just One More Chapter makes me a Busy Mum. I’m in the study right now, writing this: am I an Office Girl? I quite like riding my bike, but it’s a bit cold at the moment, so maybe not Fresh Air Fanatic. Modern life! So complicated!
Eventually I decided to write my own advice, instead.